So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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