Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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