Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Boobs are out for the taking
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
