She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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