conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
