Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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