Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
