Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
