I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize