So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
