Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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