Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
