Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So much Jack, so little girl.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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