I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
