I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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