I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
