he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
