mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
only you would photoshop your dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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