I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
