I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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