I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
