Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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