Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
