Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
