I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
