you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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