You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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