Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
