I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize