i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
