guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
