I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
