i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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