Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
