my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
