It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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