Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
