guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
