Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
