Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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