so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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