And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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