Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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