Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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