Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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