i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
