She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
