once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Be still, my beating vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
