Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just cropdusted the office
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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