dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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