yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize