Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
