The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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