1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
