I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
