believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
