I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
