His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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