yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
