WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
