Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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