Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
