Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
