I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
