So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
