yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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