I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I deserve this hangover.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
