8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
