Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
