didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
