I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
