lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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