Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
