SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
