the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
