Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
