apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
