My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
