There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
