yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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