What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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