batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my shit smells like andre
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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