im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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