508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
