I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
