Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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