so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
