Porn is love you can see.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
birth control should be required to get into college
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize