I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
