Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize